Do you dream? I do. I daydream all the time, of all the things I want to do, places I want to go, people I want to spend time with… I dream and dream and dream.
Recently, I recognized I’ve been wishing for my dreams and I got fed up not realizing them. I was watching other people do what I wanted to do, thinking about how difficult my life is and how unfair it is; why is everything so hard?
So I did something about it. I started working. Hustling. And everything is different now.
Read on and enjoy! 🥰
Feel free to leave your comments below with your thoughts on her insights.
Here’s what I learned:
1) YOU MUST BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
For YEARS I have lied to myself, over and over, and over again. I workout hard, I should be thin, ignoring the insane number of calories I consumed everrrrry day. I’m smart, and have more education than I need for my job, I shouldn’t have so much financial struggle. But I binge-watch Netflix every night, and do NOT adhere to a strict budget. I’m a fun person, but I’m lonely. But I don’t trust people and won’t let them get near enough to get to know me…. Lies. Always. For years.
It’s been EXHAUSTING. I think I did it to prove the old belief that I’m worthless - obviously I cannot succeed at anything, so my feeling down on myself is completely justified.
What a load of crap. I wasn’t actually doing the work. I wasn’t actually consistent. I wasn’t actually hustling. I was just pretending to myself that I was.
Don’t. Do. That. Oy vey.
There is nothing wrong with not working out and eating too much, if that’s what you want to do, and you OWN IT. There is nothing wrong with binge-watching Netflix, if that’s what you want to do, and you OWN IT. … you get me?! If you ARE unhappy with how you are CHANGE IT, and stop making lame excuses for yourself. And if you’re not, awesome! Own that, BE that, love that, and carry on. Either way you got this! Just make sure you’re telling yourself truths.
2) BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT
Honestly, this is HARD. I’m still struggling with it. But then I remind myself the amazing things I’ve accomplished and and go, oh yeah, I can do freaking hard things, man! But before… oh before. I did NOT believe I could do things. Like, any. Which is a little ridiculous considering the number of things I HAVE done… I have two beautiful girls, I finished my degree after having the first, and then went on to get my professional designation and licensing when pregnant/having a newborn number 2, to list just a couple of the hard things I’ve knocked off the list… I won a silver medal in a national kickboxing championship. I own my own business. I am FIERCE!
I make dreams into goals, and then work towards my goals. Or at least, that’s what I used to tell myself, but not believing I could do it I would tell myself the lie and then sabotage my efforts. I want to lose weight, so I exercise and eat properly. And then sneak candy, ice cream, anything I can get my hands on when no one else was looking.
It’s a ridiculous way to live. And I’ve done it in so many aspects of my life, not just health and fitness.
START. BELIEVING. IN. YOUR. AWESOME. When you’re doubting CATCH yourself, and stop the self-sabotage - you can do it! Wonder Woman power-pose, head high, and SAY to yourself I am AWESOME and I can do this hard thing!! And then go and freaking do it. I know you can, and if you practice telling yourself, you will come to know it, too.
3) USE YOUR SQUAD
This is probably the hardest one for me - I have depression and anxiety, and one of the ways they manifest most obviously is in making it difficult for me to connect with people. So it’s HARD when I’m feeling lonely all the time to reach out to and lean on people.
But, I don’t care HOW alone you think you are, how empty your heart is. I have learned there is a whole crew of people behind you, in your corner, cheering you on. Open your eyes, I promise you they’re there. All you have to do is ask.
It’s scary! It makes you feel vulnerable and weak, asking! Like you’re admitting failure! OR at least, it does that to me. But do you know what? The important people? The ones who actually love you? They have you every step of the way. You are not a failure. You’re still awesome.
So use them! As your sounding board for ideas, as your support when you’re frustrated. Use them for distraction when you need a break. Just. Use. Them. There are so many people who want to see you succeed - let them come along for the ride so when you get to the top you can use them to celebrate! And don’t feel bad for using them, because they know you’re awesome, and they’ll use you when they need you, too.
It’s called friendship.
4) BREAK IT DOWN
I’m the kind of person who gets overwhelmed easily. So when I say “I want to be on the New York Times’ bestseller list” that’s what I focus on.
And focusing on the top of the mountain is daaaaaunting.
So then, instead of moving forward, taking that first step, I freeze in place. I’m scared, I can’t move. Can’t breathe, sometimes. Then depression takes over and I crash and stay horizontal for the most part of day after day after day…
Crazy, right? Of COURSE I can’t just write a bestseller, just like that. No, I need to take small steps. A bunch of small steps that will cumulatively bring me to the top, where I’m absolutely going to go, by the way (see what I did there? BELIEVE IT, baby!).
Don’t focus on losing 50 lbs; start with 5. Don’t focus on writing the book; write a paragraph. Don’t focus on becoming a doctor; just get through this next school assignment.
You feel me? Break it down. The big picture, big thing is still there, but it’s not scary anymore. You can take a step. You may not be able to see that you can climb the mountain, but you can DEFINITELY take the first step. Start there, and then keep on step, step, stepping, until suddenly, you’re out of steps, and you’ve reached the summit.
5) BE SCARED
This has to go right after I’ve told you not to be scared of the mountain hahaha Because we ALL know that leaving our comfort zone is the only way to get to where we want to go. Nothing progresses when you’re comfortable, ever! Want to lose weight? You’re probably going to be hungry. Want to build muscle? You’re going to be sore. Want to start your own business? You’re going to be overworked, underpaid, and exhausted. Want to have a baby? Oh, let me tell YOU about labour… ;-)
But being scared is NEVER a good reason not to go for something. It’s just not. I had a friend go on vacation somewhere tropical and she was resisting swimming in the ocean with a bunch of beautiful rays for fear of being bitten by a shark. One of the locals looked at her, shook his head, and said, “you’re going to miss this opportunity because you’re scared of something that isn’t even going to happen?”
She went swimming. And LOVED it, by the way.
I was scared out of my mind to compete in kickboxing. And I WON. Obviously not every fight - I got SILVER, not the title belt - but even when I lost I felt incredible; powerful. I walked out of the ring on the last day a completely changed woman. With a medal.
Do. Scary. Stuff. It will literally change you. Scary is where you grow. Growing is what we are here for. Don’t lie in complacency for the rest of your life. Do the thing. Chase your dream. Be scared. Do it anyway. THAT is courage, and you have spades of it.